2nd Visit with Hudson

Matt and I were picked up at the hotel around 2:00 for our afternoon visit.  We met Hudson (who was wearing a new outfit!) again in the visiting room but then went on a tour of the orphanage.  We got to see the other two main rooms where he has lived his life.  We met one of the nannies from when he was an infant.  When he would get upset and cry, others would rush up and give him some food which would make him stop crying almost immediately.  Matt noted that treats seem to be the way to this boy's heart (at least for now).  Hudson let us carry him around most of the time.  There were still tears, but we also had some special moments of connection.

After walking around the campus a little bit, Matt got the reward of being the first to make Hudson giggle.  He was tickling him while walking, and I turned around to see the sweetest smile and hear the most precious giggle.  It was music to my ears, and Matt was just beaming.  Hudson, your Daddy is definitely the funny one, and you learned this very early on.  

The rest of our afternoon visit was spent in the outside play area.  We played with a Thai alphabet toy and got to hear him saying some characters.  We pushed him around on a bike (and played with a lot of other little ones who wanted some attention).  As the afternoon went on, he definitely got more comfortable with us.  We did more tickles and kisses and hugs and got to hear his sweet giggle more and more.  His favorite nanny "Ma Kru" also spent a good bit of time with us, and we got some videos of her singing songs to him and talking with him.  I hope these will be special to him one day so he can see how much he was cared for by her and many others.  

When it was time to go, he rode in the van with us to the hotel.  I think they are trying to get him used to being out and about more.  Needless to say, we didn't want to say goodbye, but we were thrilled that the visit went so well.  Loved seeing his eyes light up, and we loved seeing him more comfortable in the surroundings that he's used to.  I loved watching his nanny with him and seeing her obvious care for him (and his for her!).  The second visit was soooooooo much more encouraging than the first. It made us really look forward to Tyndall getting to meet him. :) 

P.S. No pictures because we only have ones with his face from this visit. 

First Visit with Hudson

Nico (a volunteer from Germany) and Phil (one of the social workers) picked us up in the orphanage's van and drove us over to the Boys' Home.  When we pulled up and got out, there was a group of people (and a couple of little boys) outside.  I scanned the faces and didn't think any of them were Hudson.  They walked us into a small room, and there he was!  He was sitting on a blanket with a few toys, playing by himself.  He barely looked up when we entered.  Matt immediately got down on the floor and started playing with him.  I think I was a little in shock.  I took some pictures, but it took me a minute to process it.  This was our boy!  In real life! 

Immediately, I noticed some sores on his head.  There was a place on his head that seemed swollen.  I was concerned.  The "momma bear" in me was a little angry honestly.  Within a few minutes, the main social worker came in and visited with us.  She addressed the spot on his head and said that they are much better and that he had been under a doctor's care.  I felt better pretty quickly because they addressed it directly.  She also asked what we wanted to know about him, and we said everything that she could tell us. So, within minutes of meeting our boy, we were hearing parts of his story.  I was desperately trying to memorize every detail, knowing that these pieces of information will be precious to our son one day.  But I was also heartbroken learning about his story.  Truly sad that he ever had to leave his first family and experience such loss and trauma.  

I was with this precious boy, this precious life who will soon be placed in our hands, and I was heartbroken about his first 2 years and 8 months of life.  I also was given the impression that his coming into our family will not be an easy adjustment for him.  I prayed.  My eyes filled with tears.  Deep in my soul, I cried out to the "Father of the fatherless", the one who "sets the lonely in families".  I feel so unworthy, so inadequate to enter into his life.  Yet there is a deep, rising LOVE for this precious boy that was instant, the moment I found out about him.  It's overshadowed my feelings of concern.  Matt and I shared a couple of glances.  We wondered if we are "cut out" for this.  If we are strong enough.  If he would ever acknowledge our presence.  ;) 

As all of these conversations are going on verbally, all of these internal shifts happening, little Hudson has barely looked at us.  He hasn't spoken.  Has barely moved.  

I finally ask the social worker, "can he walk?  does he talk?" and she says "oh yeah!" and starts talking with him in Thai.  He starts identifying different animal toys and answering her prompts to pick up different things.  He got up and walked across the room to get a book, and we saw the first glimpse of his personality.  (Or maybe the withdrawn, reserved Hudson is his personality too.  We will know eventually.)  I try to get him to sit in my lap while I read him a book, but he wasn't interested.  It's okay.  I know these things will take time.  I don't want to scare him or overwhelm him.  I'm a stranger to him.  He has no idea I am his mom.  At one point, P'Nan walked out of the room, and he cried.  An intense cry that was honestly a relief to hear and see.  More evidence of "life" within him.  

After a little longer in this small room (which we found out he had never been in before), we went outside to go to his area of the orphanage.  He took Matt's hands walking down a few stairs, and he let Matt carry him across the grounds.  Matt was gracious and passed him off to me after a little while, and I was thrilled when he let me carry him the rest of the way to his lunch area.  Then I got to sit with him and feed him lunch.  He is a good eater and definitely seemed more comfortable surrounded by his friends and nanny.  His nanny asked him to tell us the names of all his friends, and he did.  There were 5 other kids with him that day.  There are usually 10 in his group.  We had already been told that he loved this nanny very much, but seeing it was a different experience.  I felt a strange mix of feeling thankful that he has this close attachment but also sorrow to know I will take him away from her in the coming weeks.  

Matt had some sweet moments of connection with him after lunch.  We stayed in his area of the orphanage for a little while until it was time for his nap.  They took us to the van and said they would come back to get us in a couple of hours.  

We went back to the hotel and found Tyndall and P'Nui.  We were anxious to tell Tyndall about his brother and show them pictures.  We also started majorly coaching Tyndall about Hudson being pretty reserved and how he needed to be reserved at our visit the next day. 

We all went to the area mall for lunch together.  Even though it was just a local mall, I noticed some differences in Southern Thai culture compared to what we're used to.  I was trying to soak it all in but also trying to process the last couple of hours.  Such an intense and powerful and wonderful morning. And we knew we would get to see Hudson again in just a couple of hours! 

First trip to Nakorn

On October 23, our family of three flew down to Nakorn Si Thammarat with excited trepidation about the next couple of days.  We would finally be with our newest family member who we had "met" via Line messages less than a week before.  One who had been in our hearts and minds for many years.  

When we arrived into town, we checked into our hotel and then ate dinner at the hotel restaurant.  Tyndall was way excited and quite energetic, but after a bath (in a real bathtub!) in our room, he fell asleep pretty quickly.  It left Matt and I to have a quiet evening to ourselves, with lots on our minds.  

So many questions.  So much unknown.   Yet so much faith.  And joy.  It's all so surreal.  I tried not to have expectations.  But I've followed so many adoption journeys over the years that I certainly had thoughts about how things might go.   I was in awe of how it was turning out to be much more of an "international adoption" experience than I thought.  I was worried about who could hold the camera to capture the moment we first saw our son.  I wondered if he would cry or be cuddly.  I remember coaching myself as I prepared gifts for his nannies and the social worker.  I was telling myself not to have expectations, to not even worry about pictures, just to enjoy the moment.

As I prepared gifts and a photo album for Hudson, I was messaging with friends who could write and speak Thai for help with labeling the photo album.  I'm thankful for Faye and Moo and their help with writing "mom" and "dad" and "Tyndall" and "Hudson" in Thai so Hudson (and his nannies) can have help with getting to know our names.  And I'm thankful for my Thai tutors Dah and Aing who helped Matt and I learn most of the characters and sounds so things didn't seem quite so foreign.  

I thought it would be hard to sleep, but we all actually slept a decent amount.  Our friend P'Nui flew in early in the morning to be with Tyndall and met us at our hotel for breakfast at 8:30am.  We ate breakfast all together and then waited for the orphanage social worker to pick us up.  The main social worker I had been in touch with (Nan) sent me a photo of Hudson waiting for our arrival.  He looked so different from the other photos we had seen... I couldn't wait to see him in real life! 

His Name ~ Hudson Arthit

The very first thing we learned about our son was his name.  His name "Arthit" in Thai, means "Sun", and that is his current "play name" which most Thai kids have, like a nickname.  

We did not know if we would give him a new name or not, but after learning he is so young, we decided we will.  We have had some possible names in the mix for the past couple of years, so we revisited those first.  And after learning his play name is "Sun", we definitely wanted to incorporate that.  But we also love names ending with "s-o-n" because we want his name to be a reminder of his identity.  (And it sounds the same at the end so hopefully will be an easier adjustment for him.) 

We all loved "Hudson" the best and thought it fit him the most compared to others we like.  We also like the meaning and immediately thought of Hudson Taylor, a pioneering missionary to China.  And because it is the name his first mother gave him, we will keep his Thai name as his middle name.
So, he will be Hudson Arthit Flagler.  

Meaning of Hudson: The name Hudson is the transferred use of an Anglo-Scottish surname originating from a medieval personal name “Hudde” which itself has three possible origins. One, it’s widely thought to be a pet form of the Old Saxon name Hugh which comes from a Germanic word “hug” meaning ‘heart, mind, spirit.’ Secondly, Hudde is also thought to have formed as a nickname for Richard which also has Germanic origins meaning ‘power, strong, hardy.’ Lastly, it could be derived from the Olde English personal name “Hūda” with uncertain origin but which gave its name to places like Huddington in Worcestershire. The surname dates back to the 13th century in Scotland and England. 

Tyndall's name is also an Anglo-Scottish surname.
And Hudson Taylor's name is actually James Hudson Taylor, so there's another brotherly connection with the name.
On other websites, we read that Hudson can mean "power" which is a strong family connection with Matt's "Powers" family--and middle name.  
Tyndall James's name reminds us of William Tyndale who translated the Bible into English, and Hudson Taylor translated most of the New Testament into Chinese.  

So, it all seemed to fit, and as we decided throughout the rest of the day, it stuck. 

A verse we are associating with his name is 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Funny side note:  As I was researching multiple websites about the meaning of names, I read that Hudson was mostly used as a surname.  It took me a minute to make the connection that my best friend Ginger married a Hudson in 2015, so it's now the last name of my dearest friend.  So, even though it was not the reason we chose the name, it definitely was not a deterrent.  And she promised me it wasn't too weird.  

Hudson Arthit, you are loved! 

It's A Boy!

14 hours.  I waited 14 hours from our social worker's Line message about being matched.  At 8:40 am the next day (I simply could NOT wait any longer!), I sent her a "good morning" sticker.  She immediately wrote back that she was not at the office and had to go to a meeting so couldn't tell me anything more until the afternoon.  Okay, I understood.  I resolved that I would be distracted by teaching for the morning and could wait a few more hours. 

But 25 minutes later, I noticed my phone started dinging like crazy.  It was during a weekly prayer time that I have with some friends, so I waited.  When we were done, I checked my phone and saw that they were messages from her.  So I went upstairs to Matt's classroom (it was almost time for morning break), and waited for his kids to leave.  There were a couple kids who needed help with math, so I helped for a minute but then told Matt that we had messages from K. A and asked if the kids could do the math later... :) 

We read the messages together and learned that we had been matched with a BOY! And that he was born in February 2015.  Matt said, "2015?! So he's 2?"  We were truly shocked by this as we were open to kids ages 2-8 and even sibling groups.  Our understanding was that most adoptive families preferred younger children, so we just expected we would be matched with older.  So, shocked, but very happily.  

She asked if we accepted the referral, and we wrote back, "yes, of course" and then immediately started receiving pictures of our handsome son!  His face, y'all.  The sweetest.  I mean, he is just.so.adorable.  (But we will not be posting any pictures publicly until the adoption is finalized, per the understood guidelines of adoptions in Thailand.) 

After the first time we said we accepted this match, we learned about his current orphanage and a little more about his birth family.  After we said we accepted again, we learned a little more.  

We stayed in Matt's classroom for a minute soaking everything in and reading the messages over and looking at the pictures.  Then we said we wanted to go tell Tyndall.  But as soon as we got downstairs and saw Krissy and Abby & Bryn standing right there, we had to tell them.  Krissy saw our faces and said, "you know?!"  And we ran toward them and did a big group hug and I said, "WE HAVE A SON!  AND HE'S 2!!!"  And we burst into happy tears and jumped up and down.  And took pictures.  Because we want our son to know that this moment...  This moment that we found out about him and "met" him through pictures was the very moment God placed him into our family.  Just like it was with Tyndall.  It is indescribably precious.  Even with students crowding around "why are you crying, Mrs. Tricia?" and other teacher-friends sharing in our joy, at that very moment, God sunk this son of ours in our hearts.  

Before we realized it, break was over and students were going into both of our classrooms.  We realized we had to do real life for a little while.  As my students came in and got settled, I did call my mom and send her a picture of her new grandson.  :) I then told my first graders that I had just found out I have a new son.  They didn't really understand, but it will be fun teaching them more about adoption this year.  That was the hardest English lesson I've ever taught, and Matt would probably say the same.  

Right after English is lunch time, so we went to find Tyndall in the lunch room.  We wanted to tell him he has a new YOUNGER BROTHER!  We told him and showed him a picture.  Right away, he grabbed my phone and gave it the biggest hug and then started showing his friends "This is my brother".   We spent a lot of time hugging and processing this news together (in the cafeteria filled with 1/2 of the school).  Other teachers were hearing our news, and we were able to tell people who have been praying with us for these last 2 years that God has given us a SON!  

Needless to say, Tyndall didn't go back to class.  He probably would have been too distracted and distracting to others.  Matt and I went to Chapel after lunch, and I could barely keep it together singing worship songs like, "My God is Powerful" and "By Faith".  I took the rest of the afternoon off, and Matt came home during his planning periods.  We tossed around a few names and then settled on a name we all liked as a family.  That will be another post.  

We learned more about him through the day (all through Line messaging) and just couldn't believe the way that God had given us another perfect boy to join our family.  

Little boy, you are so very loved already! 

Will you be praying for our boy?  Will you pray for his little heart to be prepared to meet his forever family soon?  Will you pray for us the next few weeks as our files go before the adoption board in Thailand for final approval?  It's possible that he will be home with us before Christmas.  It's a lot of change to happen in the next few weeks.  Please pray with us during this time.  

Matched!

It was a normal evening in our home.  Monday, October 16, 2017.  

School was finished, and I had just dropped off dinner for our friends who have a new baby.  Then I cooked/heated up dinner for us.  Kraft mac and cheese, edamame, and leftover meat from Beirut (a yummy Lebanese restaurant).  Super gourmet!  P'Nui, Tyndall and I had eaten and Matt came home after he finished his parent conferences.  We were talking like normal, and then I glanced at my phone.  I hadn't heard the notification.  

Here's what I saw.  A Line message from our social worker:

I gasped and put my hand over my mouth and screamed with joy.  The rest of the family started saying, "what? what?!"  And I said, "We were matched!" Then screamed again (sorry, neighbors).  And we told Tyndall, "you're getting a brother or a sister soon!" We started dreaming out loud.  Boy? Girl? Both?  "Tyndall, do you think it's a brother or a sister?" Tyndall was running in circles and dancing around the house.

Talk about shocked!  We did NOT expect to be told about a match through a message, nor did we even know that the matching board was meeting.  Shock!  Excitement!  Nervousness! 

Later in the evening, we were talking with Tyndall.  "Remember, T, your brother or sister probably won't speak English.  They will be nervous, and they might be scared to come into our home.  We are going to have to be very patient."  T says: "That's okay.  'Member when we were Thai and someone learned us how to speak English?"  I posted that statement on Facebook, but it's even better knowing the context.  He's practicing empathy for his future brother/sister.  

Then we started calling (and waking up) family in the States.  P'Nui told the Wattanabanjonkuls when she was leaving, so they came over to share in our excitement.  We called friends and cried tears of joy.  So much unknown, but soooooooooo much joy!  

Had a hard time going to sleep that night, and I found this picture on Pinterest.  The words were absolutely perfect.  

You are loved, little one, and we can't wait to meet you!  

Thai Adoption {So Far}

We had such a great time with our family in the States over the summer-- catching up with friends, shopping, hanging out and watching HGTV.  Lots of things that were definitely "treats" for us.  It was priceless seeing Tyndall WITH his cousins--from the backyard pool days to the tickle fights on Grandma's floor.  Those experiences will be some of my favorite memories of all time. 

Of course, there were challenging moments.  Times we questioned our ability to parent AT ALL, much less (an)other child(ren) from hard places.  There was even a time I decided we should probably withdraw our names, BUT GOD.  Within hours, God used multiple things to confirm in my heart, through His Word, through my husband, blogs and many other things... We are meant to pursue it.  To do what we can to be a family for one(s) who need us.  The specific one(s) God has for us.  

So, anyway, I thought it was about time to "document" the process.  Here goes:

• Even before coming back to Thailand in 2015, we knew we would pursue adopting here.  It was part of our reason for coming back. 
• Once here, we quickly connected with a couple who was in the process and got paperwork and got information on what to do.  (And more importantly, buddies to share the process with. Unfortunately, their adoption was not approved, but they are still very much part of this story.)
• We knew we had to wait 6 months of living here before we could start the process.  So in the first 6 months, there was just a lot of adjusting to living back in Thailand and praying and dreaming about our future kids. 
• January 31st marked our 6 months in Thailand when we could have submitted paperwork.  At the time, I was consumed with adjusting to teaching full-time and just couldn't get everything together.  I was also nervous because our friends' adoption had recently been denied, and we had another family start the process who were told they were not qualified.  Since both of these families are AMAZING families, I struggled awhile with not understanding the reasoning and wondering if we were really meant to pursue it.  
• In February, we worked to start gathering documents and getting things ready for "the list" (one of the 3 versions we were working from at the time of things needed to submit with your application for InterCountry Adoption in Thailand). 
• We got physicals from a local doctor. 
• We got psychological evaluations and official letters from a psychiatrist about our ability to parent. (Even though we sometimes question it ourselves! haha!) 
• Gathered LOTS of documents for our Thailand and USA/FBI background check.  
• In March, we got serious and set the goal of having everything ready to turn in on the 31st.   
• We had our fingerprints done (old-fashioned ink style) at the "Royal Thai Police Headquarters" which involved a lot of hand motions and using Google translate :) 
• Gathered many other documents and racked our brains about details of our lives that are complicated when you move around as much as we have. ;)
• Submitted our paperwork to the FBI for our USA background check. (Still waiting to get this back.) 
• It was in March that our friends told us about an orphanage they became connected to, and we got connected to the Australian couple who started it and started learning about their hearts for the kids there.  We started to think this might be the place that our child(ren) come(s) from.  And praying for the kiddos there no matter the outcome.  
• On March 31st, we both took off work and went downtown to the Child Adoption Center to meet with a social worker and officially start our file.
• We really liked the social worker who was assigned to us.  When we first met, she asked a lot of clarifying questions about our application. 
• She seemed surprised that our application was "different" in that we said we are open to boy(s) or girl(s), sibling sets, and ages 3-7, with special needs.     
• We told her about the orphanage we had learned about and how we thought it might be a good fit, and she said that was an option but wanted to know if we were open to other kids as well.  We said we are.
• At this time, we received an "official" list of what is required for the full adoption application. And an email address for communication that is used by ALL the social workers in the organization.  (Didn't exactly walk away with warm fuzzies on that one.) 
• In April, we worked on finishing up everything required of us for our file:
• We wrote a family history
• We did pictures of our school and home and did explanations of where the kid(s) would live
• We received an official request to have a Thai police clearance done from the adoption agency.  (We had attempted to do this at the same time as the FBI background check since most of the requirements were the same, but they required an official letter from the agency in order to be able to do it.)  
• With official letter in hand, we went to our local police station to have fingerprints done (again, in old-fashioned ink style) and lots of paperwork done including a detailed listing of Matt's tattoos. Thankfully, our friend Jikky from school went with us to help us with translating because we would have been in trouble. 
• We took another trip downtown to complete our Thai police clearance paperwork--basically we just had to have the forms verified from the local police station, pay fees in one building, turn everything in to another building, and then get a form from yet another building.  That was an adventurous day.  It was also our 2nd attempt at doing that particular task.  The first time we went, all of said buildings were closed for a holiday we had forgotten about.  
• While downtown, we attempted to meet with our social worker again to turn in more forms. But she was unable to meet, so we ended up emailing the stuff in. 
• In May, we got word that the documents had been received, and we got our official invitation to attend the "Workshop for Prospective Adoptive Parents" at the end of the month which is held only once a year.  We were very grateful to be able to attend in 2016 and not have to wait until 2017.  
• The workshop was May 30-31 which happened to be during Stephani & Steven's trip.  It worked out that we were able to stay downtown together, and they took care of Tyndall while we were in the meetings.
• The actual content of the workshop was good, but we also found ourselves very grateful that we have been to other adoption seminars and conferences.  
• We met several other families in the process which has been a huge blessing and comfort in getting clarification on things.  
• When we came back to Thailand in August, we got in touch with our social worker and scheduled our Home Study.  It was completed on August 29th.  At the end of that meeting, our social worker said that the next step would be to be matched.  She also said that since we are open to older kids with special needs, that it probably wouldn't take "as long" to be match.  But the average wait time is 2 years. 
• In October, we called and checked in for an update which was a very confusing and discouraging call.  We understood that it would be 12-18 months before we would hear anything from them at all.  Looking back, some of it was probably cultural and language confusion.  
• On December 23, we went to the adoption center and took a Christmas gift to our worker.  We planned not to ask about our file and just reconnect with her, but she shared that we were already on the waiting list and might hear something during the first couple months of 2017.   Trying not to set our hopes on that, but also getting very excited that 2017 will most likely be a year that our family grows!        

Tyndall on TV

An interesting thing happened today.  A news reporter contacted me and said she found our family blog and would love to interview us about adoption.  A local family has recently been in national news about their adoption journey, so the reporter wanted to get another adoptive family's take.  I thought it was pretty cool (and would make a fun blog entry!), so at 12:30, plans were made for the crew to come to our house at 1:30. {Read--only an hour to get the house and myself and Tyndall presentable for tv.}

Matt was at work, so I called him to give him a heads-up, but they were busy at work, and my phone didn't ring when he called me back.  So... sweet husband arrived home for lunch just as the tv crew was getting to the house as well.  He had NO IDEA why a news crew was at our house.  The look on his face was priceless!  He was such a good sport. 

They were here for about an hour and asked us about our adoption, our blog, and our thoughts on the "Save Veronica" movement.  I tried not to get too political with my answers related to the case, because the truth is, it's a very complicated case.  But ultimately, I do believe {from everything I've read}, that the birth father signed away his rights and had nothing to do with the birth mother or pregnancy, so the adoption was legitimate.  I believe Veronica was very loved and cared for for the first 2 years of her life with her adoptive family, and I think it's wonderful they and birth mother seem to have such a great relationship.  I do hope Veronica will end up reunited with her adoptive family but also have some kind of relationship with each of her birth parents... BUT... I will admit that I do not know the whole story surrounding the custody battle and probably never will. I have read details of the case here, though, and would encourage those interested to do so as well.  I'm certainly glad I wasn't sharing my opinion as an expert, only as another adoptive family who is excited that the ruling of the SCOTUS upheld adoptive law.

They ended up using more of our interview than I thought they would, but they used less of the 'b roll' stuff I thought they would use.  They had taken some shots of Tyndall 'standing' in his crib with his name mural in the background which I thought would have looked cool. I'm thankful they left the part in there about God having His hand in the details of adoption.  

Our blog even got some air-time... so cool!

I enjoyed working with Ava and John, the crew from ABC News 4.  And I thought Tyndall looked pretty awesome on TV. :)   

You can view the whole 2:22 here.  And I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on the case if you've been following it. 
 
P.S.  Fellow blog friends, you never know when your blog will get you a tv interview, so keep it updated! ;)
P.S.S.  You never know when a tv crew is going to come to your house for a news interview, so keep your house clean. ;) 
 

Some Adoption Fundraisers to Check Out

We are only a few months outside of the 'fundraising for adoption' stage.  But I'm thankful each and every day for all the many people who helped us bring our son into our family.  We literally could not have adopted without the help of MANY friends and family members and fundraisers. 

So, I have a soft spot in my heart for adoption fundraising.  I probably always will.  I also love good deals, so I helped a local family put together an online auction.  They are adopting from Uganda and are only a few months away from bringing home their 4 year old son.  PLEASE check out their online auction.  It ends Monday. 

Also, there is another family who are friends of friends who are in their final stage of adopting from China.  They are challenging folks to give $10 to be part of bringing their daughter home.  Check out their video here.  

Thinking of You Today

Dear "L", 

You have been on my mind and heart so much as this Mother's Day approaches.  And today is Birth Mother's Day.  I really wish we could be together today.  I would love for you to see the child that both of us love so much.  I would love for you to see his smile and hear his laugh and know that he is SO loved in his new family. 

I am so, so thankful that you chose Matthew and I to be the family for your son.  Again, I'll never know the things you considered or know fully why you chose us, but I have confidence that God led you to choose us to be his family.  


I don't know how you're feeling today, and I'll probably never know the journey of emotions you have been through this past year.  But, He does. 

L, I don't know your story.  I know bits and pieces, some pieces filled with hurt and pain and struggle.  I'm so, so sorry for the sad parts of your story.  But, I want you to know that you are Loved.  Not because you're a 'birthmom', but because you're a creation of the King.  God has a plan for your life, though you may not understand it.  He can make all things beautiful.  

Speaking of beautiful, I will ALWAYS treasure the picture we have of you with our son.  You and your mom.  Yet the sadness in your eyes haunts me.  I'll never fully know where it comes from, what led you to choose adoption for your child.  SO, when I see it, I pray for you.  I pray that you will one day be able to rejoice knowing the purpose God has for your life.  Not as a mother who placed her child(ren) for adoption, but as a Daughter of the King of the Universe!    

One day, I hope we can meet, and I can tell you about how He changed my life. How He changed the sad and hurtful and painful parts of my story into Peace, into friendship with the Creator of the Universe.  How He led me in this journey to being the mother to your son. 

Dear L, you are beautiful. You are loved.  You are valued, treasured, respected.  Your son will always know these things about you.  I promise.   And I pray that you know them too.   

Love, 
Tricia

Finalization Day in Court

We went to court, raised our right hands, and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 

We swore that we have had "Baby Boy" in our care ever since we received placement.  We swore that we have bonded with him and he with us.  We swore that we have been married for almost 6 years and have a healthy marriage.  We swore that we will do everything we can to provide for our son.  We swore that we would like to have his name legally changed to "Tyndall James". 

Tyndall's representative, who happened to be a family acquaintance from the church where I grew up, testified that after reviewing our home study and post-placement reports, and visiting with us, he thought adoption into our family was in Tyndall's best interest.

Stephani, Steven, and Hailey were present as witnesses and were invited to speak.  Stephani said, through tears, that she was very happy for our family and knew that Matthew and I would make great parents. (At that point, I teared up.) 

The judge declared us a family. (Something we have known and felt to be true ever since our first phone call.)
And she invited us to take pictures.  

And then everything was official.  

I think this day means different things for different adoptive families.  For us, this was a very special day, but it was nowhere near as meaningful as you would think.  I have honestly, truly, fully felt that we were a family ever since we received the call  that we had been chosen for this baby boy.  I was never fearful that his birth mother would change her mind (she had already signed placement papers before we even knew about him).  I was never fearful that his birth father would come into the picture and choose to parent him (based on what we knew from the agency, this was never a huge concern).  I always knew that our family was the family God had chosen for this child, and that this child was the answer to so many prayers.  

I refer to 'placement day' as Adoption Day, because that's when things became official in my mind, in my heart.  It's not the same for everyone, and I recognize that.  But I'm so thankful this is how God orchestrated it for us.  On Placement Day, we became his primary caregivers.  We were given free license to bond with him and love him fully.  We were legally obligated to care for him and provide for him.  We became his parents that day.    

But officially, on paper, in legal documents, that wasn't true.  We were his guardians.  

On February 11, when I lost my job, I became a little fearful.  Our ability to provide for him had changed significantly, and I was afraid they would recognize that and choose to take him away.  Thankfully, that didn't happen.  Our agency and attorney understood the bigger picture--that we have bonded, that we would make sacrifices to provide for our son.  We continued moving forward to make the adoption official.  

Yesterday, the judge signed the adoption decree. Now, we are his parents.  We will even be issued a birth certificate that lists me as his mother and Matthew as his father.  That's pretty cool.  

What's even more amazing to me is that God has known for all eternity that this day would come.  Before I or Matt or Tyndall were created, God knew that we would be a family.          

We Finalize Tomorrow!

2 years, and 7 months ago, we began our adoption journey.

Several things have changed since then:

• 3 different addresses, finally settled into our first house!
• Hailey Drew, our first niece was born (now almost 2!)
• one new brother-in-law
• a new dog
• one more niece and one more niece or nephew on the way!
• lost Matt's grandfather
• got a new car
• Matt earned his Master's degree
• 4 different jobs (some full-time, some part-time) 

3 months, and 1 day ago, we found out we had a son.

Several things have changed since then:

• We named him.
• We have met him, held him, fed him, changed his diapers, prayed over him, and LOVED HIM
• We cheered him on as he grew from 3 pounds, 5 ounces (when we met him) to 3 pounds, 15.6 ounces (all still in Special Care Nursery)
• We brought him home
• We've given him baths, bottles, kisses, hugs, giggles, and a great room
• We have taken him to doctor's appointments, family dinners, friends' houses, special events, baby showers, and to gather with our church
• He went on his first trip to BeBe's house
• We have become a family!

Tomorrow, everything will be finalized in court!  He will LEGALLY have his new name and be part of our family.   

We've been a family for a long time now, but we're so excited for things to be finalized tomorrow!   

God Makes Babies. People Don't.

Remember that one time I played an April Fool's joke and 'announced' that we were pregnant just a couple months after adopting our son?  

Actually, it technically doesn't say that we were pregnant.  But people assumed, which is what I wanted them to do...  Because I cannot tell you the amount of times we've heard, 'now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant with one of your own'.  

Well, I thought it was funny.  I figured most people don't truly believe big announcements that are posted on April 1st.  
In fact, I had been planning it for weeks.  I even gave the immediate family members a heads-up so that they wouldn't have heart attacks.  Well, all except for my sister, Laura.  I forgot to give her a heads-up.  Sorry, Laura.

Within minutes, there were lots of very excited people.  Only a handful commented things that hinted to April Fool's... several even said  "I'm sure you wouldn't joke about something like this."  I realized pretty quickly that people would have been thrilled had this news been true. 


I texted or private messaged most people who commented, letting them know they had been 'had'.  Most responded lightheartedly.  But there were some who gave me a really hard time.  After only a couple hours, I posted the updated picture and came 'clean'. 

 

Some laughed.  Some didn't.

I didn't realize that my fun little prank was going to cause so much concern.  And then this picture appeared in my Facebook newsfeed.  Twice.

Ouch.

And I felt like a terrible person.  Why?  I can't fully explain, but I'm going to try...

A few years ago, it was my heart that ached and pricked a little bit every time I saw a pregnancy announcement.  It reminded me of my loss.  And made me wonder, when will it be my turn?  There was a season that I was a little bit bitter and resentful when I would find out about 'surprise' pregnancies.  Actually, there was one only a few months ago that definitely made me run to the Lord and pour out my heart to Him.

And I'm so thankful for those times.  It's helped me become who I am, and it's helping me be the Mom I am to Tyndall.  Motherhood didn't come easily for me.  There were lots of things that we could have done to try harder to conceive.  But we didn't feel led in that direction.  We felt called to adoption. And adoption wasn't God's second choice for us.  It was His first. 

We have friends who are pursuing infertility treatments. Going through painful surgeries and treatments in hopes of conceiving and becoming parents.  I don't want to discount the pain and yearning and longing that these friends, and others, are feeling.  It's real.  Still, that was not the road God led us down. 

But you know what?  Even if He had led us down that road, it would have been Him and only Him who created a child.  It's not timing or planning, or medicine, or vitamins, or procedures that create life.  God does that. 

Whether a pregnancy is planned, a surprise, free, or costly, God's behind it.  I've really and fully learned that to be true.  I've walked with enough friends through the heartache of waiting for pregnancy to happen (and experienced it myself).  I've also walked with enough friends through surprise pregnancies. 

There are no 'surprises' to God.  Tyndall was not a surprise to God.  He was created in God's perfect timing, grown and sustained inside his birth mother's body, then delivered at just the right time.  For us to be his parents. As the answer to so many prayers.  God made this child.     

A couple of people who are dear to me told me this was a mean joke to play.  Because there have been so many people praying for us and supporting us (even financially) on our journey to parenthood.  They talked as if being pregnant would be the answer to those prayers.  And I guess what I want people to know is: Tyndall is the answer to our prayers.  A biological child wouldn't be any more of 'our own' child to us than he is.    
 
If the pregnancy post had been true, I would honestly be freaking out.  I am jobless and have no health insurance.  And I have a 3 month old.  This would not be an ideal time for a pregnancy.  BUT, IF GOD chose to place life inside of me, then I would embrace it.  Knowing that God is the One who creates life.  Not us.