.Joy.

It doesn't always feel like joy. 

Sometimes it feels like 2:24am and you haven't gotten much sleep, but you're awakened to a crying baby who needs a(nother) bottle.  

Sometimes it feels like 6:13 in the evening and the baby is really fussy and you don't know why. 

Or sometimes it's 11:04am, and your baby is crying and you don't know why. 

Yet, there's joy. 

Joy because the crying baby or the fussy baby is the answer to so.many.prayers.  

Joy because the baby who smiles at you literally makes your heart leap in your chest. 

Joy because this child is a constant reminder of God's faithfulness and goodness.

Joy because, even though circumstances are not ideal, you have lots of 'extra' time with this child. 

Joy because after so many years and months of waiting and longing and praying and preparing,
he's here-in my arms.

Joy because God chose us to be the parents of this specific child. 
And to be able to have a bond with his birth family in a way that no one else ever will.   

On April 15th, I woke up with a sadness.  I was remembering a place I lived that I loved.  A place where I lived so intentionally.  Where everyday was filled with purpose and joy in knowing that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  It was April 15, 2006 that my teammates and I had to leave that country.  We didn't want to leave.  We were sad to leave our friends, especially knowing that we might have endangered them and may never see them again.  

Ever since that day in 2006, I've lived with a sadness.  Not despair--because my hope is not in this world. Our friends were not dependent on us.  God's Name was not dependent on any people in that country, especially not the crazy American just-graduated-from-college-kids.  But I truly loved that place. And those people.  A large piece of my heart was left in that country.  So, remembering that place sometimes makes me sad.  Especially when I remember having to leave so suddenly. 

Source

But, this year, on April 15th, as I lay in bed with our son, something happened.  Tyndall and I were 'talking', and he got so excited and made the funniest noise, I laughed.  And Tyndall laughed in response.  He didn't know he was doing it and in fact looked a little frightened at what had happened.  But, then he laughed again.  And we laughed together.  And then I cried tears of joy.  God literally turned my sadness into laughter.  The first laughter from my son happened on a morning when I was sad.  The son who we have waited for, longed for, hoped for, yearned for.  Our son was laughing with me.  What a sweet gift from my Heavenly Father.  

Ever since then, He keeps reminding me that He is the Source of joy.  He is the Giver of the gift of my son that brings me so much joy.    

The Boston tragedy happened later that day.  And then the Texas tragedy.  I was reminded that we live in a broken world.  But we're not alone in this world.  There is Joy in the sadness, in the chaos, in the brokeness. 

Source

Sometimes, Joy overflows out of our hearts.  Sometimes, we must choose it.  Always, it is available.

God Makes Babies. People Don't.

Remember that one time I played an April Fool's joke and 'announced' that we were pregnant just a couple months after adopting our son?  

Actually, it technically doesn't say that we were pregnant.  But people assumed, which is what I wanted them to do...  Because I cannot tell you the amount of times we've heard, 'now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant with one of your own'.  

Well, I thought it was funny.  I figured most people don't truly believe big announcements that are posted on April 1st.  
In fact, I had been planning it for weeks.  I even gave the immediate family members a heads-up so that they wouldn't have heart attacks.  Well, all except for my sister, Laura.  I forgot to give her a heads-up.  Sorry, Laura.

Within minutes, there were lots of very excited people.  Only a handful commented things that hinted to April Fool's... several even said  "I'm sure you wouldn't joke about something like this."  I realized pretty quickly that people would have been thrilled had this news been true. 


I texted or private messaged most people who commented, letting them know they had been 'had'.  Most responded lightheartedly.  But there were some who gave me a really hard time.  After only a couple hours, I posted the updated picture and came 'clean'. 

 

Some laughed.  Some didn't.

I didn't realize that my fun little prank was going to cause so much concern.  And then this picture appeared in my Facebook newsfeed.  Twice.

Ouch.

And I felt like a terrible person.  Why?  I can't fully explain, but I'm going to try...

A few years ago, it was my heart that ached and pricked a little bit every time I saw a pregnancy announcement.  It reminded me of my loss.  And made me wonder, when will it be my turn?  There was a season that I was a little bit bitter and resentful when I would find out about 'surprise' pregnancies.  Actually, there was one only a few months ago that definitely made me run to the Lord and pour out my heart to Him.

And I'm so thankful for those times.  It's helped me become who I am, and it's helping me be the Mom I am to Tyndall.  Motherhood didn't come easily for me.  There were lots of things that we could have done to try harder to conceive.  But we didn't feel led in that direction.  We felt called to adoption. And adoption wasn't God's second choice for us.  It was His first. 

We have friends who are pursuing infertility treatments. Going through painful surgeries and treatments in hopes of conceiving and becoming parents.  I don't want to discount the pain and yearning and longing that these friends, and others, are feeling.  It's real.  Still, that was not the road God led us down. 

But you know what?  Even if He had led us down that road, it would have been Him and only Him who created a child.  It's not timing or planning, or medicine, or vitamins, or procedures that create life.  God does that. 

Whether a pregnancy is planned, a surprise, free, or costly, God's behind it.  I've really and fully learned that to be true.  I've walked with enough friends through the heartache of waiting for pregnancy to happen (and experienced it myself).  I've also walked with enough friends through surprise pregnancies. 

There are no 'surprises' to God.  Tyndall was not a surprise to God.  He was created in God's perfect timing, grown and sustained inside his birth mother's body, then delivered at just the right time.  For us to be his parents. As the answer to so many prayers.  God made this child.     

A couple of people who are dear to me told me this was a mean joke to play.  Because there have been so many people praying for us and supporting us (even financially) on our journey to parenthood.  They talked as if being pregnant would be the answer to those prayers.  And I guess what I want people to know is: Tyndall is the answer to our prayers.  A biological child wouldn't be any more of 'our own' child to us than he is.    
 
If the pregnancy post had been true, I would honestly be freaking out.  I am jobless and have no health insurance.  And I have a 3 month old.  This would not be an ideal time for a pregnancy.  BUT, IF GOD chose to place life inside of me, then I would embrace it.  Knowing that God is the One who creates life.  Not us.    
         

Red and Yellow, Black and White...

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

I grew up singing that song... did you?  

It's a nice song to sing, but it's even more important to believe the words in the song. 

When we started this adoption journey, 2+ years ago, we were open to lots of things, but pretty limited when it came to the type of ethnicity we would 'accept'.  It never felt right, but we knew there were members of our family who would have a serious problem with a child 'of color' being in our family.  And we want our children to be loved as much as they possibly can... from us and from our family members and community. 

A few months ago, things changed.  We had gotten several emails about children available, and they were different races than us.  We didn't respond to those first few emails.  But in June, there was an email about an African American boy.  Something was different, and I knew we were supposed to respond.  I called Matt (who was up at Liberty for school that week), and we discussed it and agreed to spend some time praying and we would talk about it when he was finished with school that week. 

On my way to meet Matt, I literally saw 4 trans-ethnic families.  (You know how you notice things more when you're looking for them or thinking about them?)  At the restaurant we met at and came to our decision, there were 3 other trans-racial families in our view.  In a small way, it was like God was saying, "it's not as different as you think."  We both came to the conclusion that we would respond to that email.

We texted our immediate family members, and they all responded in very appropriate ways.  Some with joy and excitement, others with concern.  None of their responses were wrong... they are entitled to feel how they feel.  For the most part, we know they are looking out for us--and even for our future children.  

Ever since then, we've joyfully responded to almost every email, no matter the type of skin the children have.  (The only ones we haven't responded to have been if there are significant extra costs involved...) I'm so glad the LORD changed our hearts.  I'm so glad He reminds us of the truths in the lyrics in childhood songs. 

This is 2012 (almost 2013).  People are people, no matter what kind of skin they're wearing.  Children without families need families... whether they're red, yellow, black or white.. green, purple, or tie-dyed. 

More importantly, the Lord has been placing people in our lives whose families don't necessarily share the same genetic material.  We know plenty of families who represent different parts of the world, and we're getting to know even more.  Our children will have some hardships (all children do).  But they won't be alone in their struggles.  No matter what color our children are, they will be LOVED... by us, by our family, and by a community of believers who already love them.  

 

A Prayer

⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

^{~Psalm 62:5-8}

Lord, help me remember that YOU are my hope, where my soul finds rest.  As I woke up in a 'blah' mood, emotional and raw, I thank you for reminding me that YOU are my rock and my salvation, my refuge.  Lord, thanks for allowing me to pour out my heart to You. 

We've been officially 'waiting' 7 months today, Lord.  You know that.  You know what you have planned for us--the child, the birth mother and possible father that we will get to share our lives and Your love with.  I have NO control over any of this, so please help me to truly trust You and focus on all the wonderful things you've given us... the MANY things we have to be thankful for.  Help me not to wish away this time just waiting for what's next.  

Thank You, Lord, for knowing the beginning and the end... for being above time.  Thank You for not being affected by earthly timelines and expectations.  Help me to remember Your timing is perfect... 

*I don't normally write blog posts in prayer form, but I felt led to leave it this way AND actually hit "publish" on this one.   God knows the parts of this prayer that went unwritten as well, but I hope and pray there's a reason I'm sharing this.  Maybe it will be timely for others as well.   

National Adoption Month, Day 3

I'm starting to realize that not everyone is obsessed with passionate about adoption like me.  To some people, it's something they "could never do", something they think is limited to pets, thought only rich people could do, or don't think about at all.    

Source: Uploaded by user via Jenny on Pinterest

I'm so thankful for all the different ways that adoption has become part of my life:

• I'm thankful for the neighbors up the street who adopted a kid when I was in elementary school then immediately became pregnant so raised two kids almost like twins. 
• I'm thankful for the F______ family who I met while I was in high school and had the opportunity to babysit for in those days. 
• I'm thankful for the professor at Anderson who was single but had two adopted daughters (can't remember which country).  
• I'm thankful for having full-out lectures about adoption during my time at Focus on the Family. 
• I'm thankful for having friends who are adopted.
• I'm thankful for friends who have adopted or are adopting. 

Whether my interactions have been very limited or up-close-and-personal, I'm thankful for each and every exposure I've had to adoption.  It has helped it become more normal to me.  Our new normal.

What about you?  What are your experiences with adoption?  Does it seem very foreign to you?  Something God is calling you to be part of?  Something you want to know more about? 

     

Middle of the Night Musings

I have not slept much the last couple of nights. 

So many things on my mind like our next fundraiser, starting an adoption grant agency, orphan care in general, different paths to adoption, different families who have adopted recently or are in the process of adopting.  

This is so much bigger than our current adoption!
God won't let me let it go.  The trick for me will be praying through all these things instead of just thinking and planning.  I'm better at the latter but learning about the former.  

A new friend who I've made through this adoption journey, Rachel, recently posted about a family doing a giveaway fundraiser like we've done... Which led me to their blog and their story.  Another story of God setting the lonely in families.  This couple has now started an organization that seeks to be a voice for orphans around the world.  They also take care of an orphanage in Uganda.  Huge way to tangibly live out James 1:27. 

You see, I keep learning about all that God is doing through other people, and it grips my heart.  It makes me wonder what He has planned for us.  Multiple adoptions, special needs adoptions, waiting children adoptions... Then I look around and realize we are limited for now.  We can do what He has called us to do for now.  We can be faithful to what He has called us to do now.   We/I don't have to worry about doing it all.  

Then I read this post.  I hope it's as encouraging to you as it is to me.  "Whatever" we do for the least of these, we do unto Him."

Thank you to everyone who is on this journey with us.  Thank you for "whatever" you are doing!  

Sowing Seeds

In my last post, I wrote about why we are pursuing this particular path to adoption.  There are SO many options, and many of them less-expensive.  
I wanted to write a little about why the cost of a domestic infant adoption was never a huge deterrent for us.  

Let me start by saying that we are not millionaires.  We didn't don't have an extra $25k sitting in a bank waiting to be used for this eternal purpose. We have modest incomes and had a significant amount of debt when we started this whole process.  But we weren't worried.   We also weren't naive.


Before we were married, I was on staff with a college ministry where we raised our financial support.  I learned in that time that people want to invest in what God is doing.  Not everyone can live in a closed country and share the Gospel as their full-time job.  But, people can invest in that mission and be part of what God is doing in that country.  I had supporters of $5 to $200 a month who each got to be part of how God worked when He allowed me and my team to be on the mission field.  Without their prayers and financial support, we couldn't have been there as long as we were.  My supporters invested in sharing the Gospel with unreached people because they knew it was something God cared about.  He commands us to go, but not everyone can go.  Those who support the go-ers also get to be part of the go-ing. In the same way, not everyone is called to adopt, but people can still be part of adoption through giving and/or praying. 

Trusting God for the finances has been one of the best parts of this journey.  We knew know He will provide because He loves orphans.  We are pursuing something that is part of His character.  He is Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).  Jesus Himself was raised in a family that was not completely biological.  James writes "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" (1:27).  He "sets the lonely in families" (Psalm 68:6).  Adoption is something God cares about. He will provide. 

The remaining $10,000 or so needed for the adoption?  (*Our price is expected to increase once we get a new home study done if we haven't gotten a placement soon.)  We are still committed to adopting without debt.  We will continue to apply for grants, do fundraisers, work side jobs and put money aside.  We don't expect God to drop it off miraculously in our mailbox (though He COULD).  We will work diligently and faithfully.   And we will continue to invite you to sow seeds of investment into this part of God's story.  You may not be called to adopt, but you can still share in God's heart for adoption. You can be part of this story. Information on how to become part of this adoption is available here. 

Why This Road?

It's now been two years since we've been on this adoption journey.  That's kinda crazy when you think about it.  And wow, it seems like a long time.  But, we have been so thankful for this journey.  

Many times in the last two years, we've been asked, "why?" 
Why domestic? 
Why private agency? 
Why infant?  

These questions have provided opportunities to dialogue with family, friends, acquaintances, and sometimes strangers about a bigger issue: orphans and adoption.  

Recently, we've watched friends celebrate children joining their families through other roads.  A family from our church started their adoption journey around the same time and has now had their son home from China for over six months.  Friends from Cru just went from a family of two to a family of four by adopting through the state.  It's been amazing to see the journey and to see these children get placed into their perfect, forever families. 

But of course, we wonder, when will it be our turn?  

Which brings us back to the questions above and why we felt called to and chose this particular road to adoption.  

International:  For us, international is a very natural choice.  We've both spent quite a bit of time in other countries, even for stints as long as 10 months.  We love other cultures.  We love learning about other cultures, and we love sharing the Gospel with those who may have never heard it.  We don't necessarily care that our children probably won't look very much like us.  International Adoption would make sense for us.  So why not International?

• International adoption is significantly more expensive, which was a deterrent for us this time around. 
• Most countries also have age requirements which one or both of us hasn't met yet.  
• Most countries are stricter with income levels which we don't meet at this time. 
• International adoptions have more strict guidelines for health of the adoptive families, which due to a history of anxiety/depression, we wouldn't be approved.  
• Will we pursue international adoption at a later time?  If God leads us to, absolutely. 

State Adoption:  This option would be significantly less expensive and probably shorter.  These kids need families, and we totally understand that.  So why not state adoption?  This one is harder...

• With state adoptions, it is normally older children. 
• These precious children typically (of course, there are exceptions) come from places of hurt, loneliness, and even harm.  We aren't quite sure that we have all the tools necessary at this time to give these children everything they would need. 
• Is state adoption out of the question for us?  Absolutely not. We fully expect to be in a better place down the road to be able to provide a loving, secure home for this type of child.  Just not right now.  

Why Bethany?:  

• We love Bethany's love for the birth parents.  
• We feel passionate about adoption being the better alternative to abortion and want to celebrate the choice the birth mothers make to choose life for their child. 
• We feel called to have a semi-open relationship with our child's birth-family.  We want to be able to build a relationship and show Christ's love to the brave woman (and the birth father and/or their families depending on the situation) who made the sacrificial choice of adoption.  
• They do a good job.  Though the cost is high, it's reasonable.  The services they provide to the birth family as well as adoptive families are done with excellence.  
• Before we chose Bethany, I wanted to 'research' what it was like to be one of their birth mothers. So, I went onto their website and started a chat with a pregnancy counselor.  I wanted to make sure the birth mothers were treated with respect, with compassion, with love.  I was satisfied.
• Our social worker has walked with us for two years.  Answered emails, phone calls, visited with us, trained us, and prayed with and for us.  For two years.  She has earned her salary.  
• Many people choose not to pursue a private adoption because they would 'lose' money they've spent along the way if they became pregnant.  With our agency, you pay for things as they come along.  Even if we decided to not do Bethany at this point, we would lose money that was only for specific services.  I am thankful they are setup this way.  We cannot get 'scammed' out of money this way.  They are an honorable, reputable organization. 

Do I love that we are one of 40 families in South Carolina who is in the same boat?  Waiting to be chosen by a birth mother or waiting to be matched with a child?  Not always.  Sometimes it feels like a weird competition.  When the emails come out about babies that are available, it brings a strange mixture of excitement/anxiety.  The constant wondering if somewhere there's an expecting mom looking through our profile, considering us to be her child's family.  That wouldn't happen if we were traveling down another road.  

BUT, we are confident that this is the road God has led us to, at this time.  Will we adopt later?  Probably.  Will we definitely go with Bethany?  Maybe not.  We are option to adopting however the Lord leads us.  It's His story, not ours. 

10 and Thankful Thursday

We have reached a new milestone in this adoption journey:  

Yesterday, we received our 10th email about an available child.  Honestly, the wave of excitement that comes when you get an email about a baby is indescribable.  Could THIS be our baby?  It's also a little heartbreaking.  It's a reminder that we live in a broken world.  But it's also encouraging.  A birth mother choosing adoption is much better than choosing abortion.  

These emails are great reminders for the Sovereignty of God in this process and great catalysts for prayer... and also a reminder that if we were picked, God would have to perform a miracle for us to have the remaining funds ready.  

Today, while we wait for news about this latest baby, I am Thankful.  

• I'm thankful for how God has already provided greatly for this adoption. 
• I'm thankful for our house and that it will make a wonderful home for our family for years to come. 
• I'm thankful for each person who donated items for us to sell at our yard sales. 
• I'm thankful for the people who have purchased jewelry, make-up, home decor, and Tupperware in support of our adoption. 
• I'm thankful for those who have participated in our raffles by spreading the word or donating to earn entries.  
• I'm thankful for the sweet notes we've received along with donations in the mail. 
• I'm thankful for the people who sold class rings and discarded jewelry for our adoption.  
• I'm thankful for everyone who came and supported us at Chik-fil-A. 
• I'm thankful for the crib, highchair, play pen, bassinet, bouncy seat, and baby clothes that have been given to us with such generous hearts. 
• I'm thankful to be on this journey with my best friend who keeps me grounded.
• I'm thankful for a wonderful job with special people who encourage me and ask me about our status. 
• I'm thankful for people who purchase items through our Amazon site in support of our adoption. 
• I'm thankful that Lifesong for Orphans is allowing donations to be made to them so that people can give tax-deductible donations. 
• I'm thankful to have been called to adopt a child... 
• I'm thankful for those who walk this journey with us.  

Some days are hard.  Many days are a blur.  Other days are heart-breaking and feel a little hopeless.  Occasionally, we are reminded of all that we have for which to be thankful; these days are glorious.   Thank you for being part of all these days.

Compassion Children

The last weekend of August, I had the opportunity to volunteer with Compassion International at a Beth Moore conference in Charleston.  

I was soooo excited to go and get to serve in this way.  We have come to love Compassion and our sponsored girl, Gift, over the past 2+ years since we started sponsoring her.  

During a worship song that I snuck into the auditorium for.

There was something special about being at a conference with 9,000 (mostly) women worshiping God and learning more about Him.  It was also very special that the conference planners know that giving is a huge part of worship.  They had opportunities for people to give to other great organizations like Samaritan's Purse as well.  The worship leader shared about his heart for Compassion, how he has gotten to meet one of his sponsored children and how sponsoring a child helps him teach his children about perspective.  They also showed a video of lives who had been changed as a result of the ministry of Compassion. 

After that section of the conference, we were very busy at the Compassion booth.  We got to help ladies find children with the same birthdays as their child, or children who were in a certain part of the world, or who had certain physical traits.  It was very special.  After my second shift, I learned that there were about 400 children who got sponsored that weekend... wow!  What a blessing!  

a small portion of the available children

But my mind was truly blown by just how many children still need sponsors.  Sponsors in places like America, where people pay $60 to go to a conference for 10 hours.  Sponsors who probably get to go on trips and eat out at restaurants while there are children in other places of the world without the basics.  We're talking basics, like regular food and clean water.

Click on this picture to be taken to the Sponsorship Page.

 

I'm not judging.  I'm just challenged.  I'm asking:  How do we balance the blessings we've been given with the needs of many in this world?  Would love to know your thoughts on this.  I am well aware that there's no one-size-fits-all answer.  What does Scripture say, and how does that fit into our modern-day culture?

I've been in a VERY similar hut.  This was not just for show.  It's reality for a LOT of people. 

Seriously... I'm asking. :)

One Day...

One day, I'm going to want to remember this season.  LOTS of friends have told me to journal and help myself remember this time.  Our son or daughter will want to know about this season. The wait.  T.h.e....w.a.i.t.

It's so hard to describe, though.  The juxtaposition of everyday life continuing as normal but the reality that life can change at any moment.  It could be an email.  It could be a phone call. 

I *thought* I was prepared for this.  But there's really no way to prepare. 
And I'm a do-er.  I don't like to sit still and just wait.  So, we've been fundraising.  A nice distraction, only it's not a distraction but a constant reminder.  Just another way to stay busy during the process.  Another juxtaposition--trusting God to provide the finances for this adoption but going forward with how we feel He is leading us to fundraise.  One of the recent fundraisers did not feel completely led by the Lord, and that stressed me out.  It made me want to step back and take a break.  I needed to be reminded that I'm not in control of this.  

Now, there's the whole curve ball of the house situation.  "Backup" money that we were going to use if all the fundraising didn't come through has now turned to House Down Payment.  There is no 'backup'.  Speaking of being a do-er, this has definitely also provided an change in the daily to-do list.  House inspections, meeting with lender, insurance quotes, re-work monthly budget, find a handyman, and so on.  

It's no surprise that yesterday, on my lunch break, someone asked me how I'm doing, and I burst into tears.  And I couldn't stop them.  Thankfully, friends were there to tell me funny stories of their own pregnancy hormonal adventures.  This is not a biological pregnancy, but it's an 'expectancy'.  They were kind enough to make the comparison.  One friend even said that you're not supposed to make major life-changing decisions while pregnant.  Well, again, not pregnant but definitely expecting.  And this big change was unavoidable.  

Oh, and another thing I didn't expect--the constant questions, in my mind and from others. 

• When will it happen? 
• Will it be a boy or a girl?
• Will the birth father be involved?
• How involved with the birth mother's family be?
• Could we do an older child?  Are we supposed to do an older child?  
• Why didn't you do DSS?  Isn't that free?
• What about international?  There are kids already born who will go to sleep tonight without a family. 
• Should we change to international?  
• Is the birth mom a believer?  
• How did this child come to be? 
• How do I even pray for this baby?  Is he/she born, conceived?

Oh gosh, all those "I's" up there remind me of something else I didn't prepare for-- Matthew and I process this whole thing differently.  DUH!  (Since when have we ever done anything exactly the same!?!)  But to be honest, I've struggled with this.  Why doesn't he handle things the same way?  Does he want this as much as I do?  Are we honestly called to this, or is this just what we want? 

Whew... sometimes it's good to be honest and transparent.  God uses this as a way to 'sift' through my thoughts/fears/anxieties and bring forth His Truth.  

Friends, this is hard.  Already, though, it's worth it.  The way God is working in our hearts is overwhelming.  The way God is whispering to my heart is priceless.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  

Any input?

 

Saturdays

I used to take Saturdays for granted.  Then I worked at Verizon for 2.5 years and didn't have any Saturdays.  I Looooooooooove Saturdays now.  They will be even better when Matt is teaching, and we have Saturdays off together.  But for now, I'm starting to figure out how to fully enjoy Saturdays and fit it as much as possible. 

Last Saturday, I met Celeste for breakfast.  Definitely a treat!  Going out to breakfast is my favorite thing, but it was extra special to catch up with a long-time friend.  (We've been friends since 2004).  After breakfast, we still had lots to catch up on, so she came with me back to our apartment.  We talked and caught up while doing dishes and laundry.  It was pretty perfect.  Being productive AND hanging out with a good friend. I need to do this more often!  

Today, I got up pretty early (I think I'm too old to really sleep in now) and decided to take the dogs to the dog park before it got too hot.  On my way, I decided to see if I could pick up my favorite 2 year old to take her with me.  Her mom happily obliged. :)  So, Allie and I took Nala and Zoe to the dog park... the very muddy dog park.  I totally should have turned around when I saw the puddles, but I knew my girls (the dogs) needed to get some energy out.  Well, we had SOOOO much fun.  All 4 of us got muddy and messy but burned up a lot of energy and made some fun memories.  It was a blast!  

Dropped off a muddy 2 year old almost 2 hours later and came home to wash up my two girls.  Neither of them like baths, and it's not very easy to man-handle either one of them into the bathtub, but I somehow managed to get them both clean.  Felt like a HUGE accomplishment!  Matt came home for lunch, and I straightened up a little bit while he ate.  I LOVE that he can come home for lunch now and will probably miss that when he teaches.  Then again, I'll be working most of the days that he teaches, so I guess it doesn't matter... 

This afternoon, my friend Lauren (also the momma of my favorite 2 year old) picked me up, and we got to enjoy an uninterrupted afternoon hanging out (hard to do since she's a busy wife and momma of 2 + a new exchange student from Australia.) :)  But we had sooo much fun enjoying chatting at Starbucks then going to the grocery store.  (Again, mixing friends and productivity... it works well!)  

My heart is full.  AND I get to enjoy an evening with my honey and a day of family tomorrow.  We are truly blessed.  I don't want to wish this time away.  I don't know how long this season will last, so I want to treasure it while it's here.  Soon enough, Saturdays will be full of new adventures and joys (with home-ownership and parenting on the horizon).  New responsibilities.  For now, I'm going to enjoy my pups and low-maintenance apartment as much as possible.  

(P.S. Sorry no pictures. The beloved camera is MIA and has been for about a month now.  Pretty bummed about that.)

Praying for This...

Source: pin4fun4666.blogspot.com via Tricia on Pinterest

As we rejoice with TWO families we know who have been united through adoption in the past couple of weeks, we look forward to when it will be our turn.  In His time.

Until then, we pray...

...And tear-up when I find heart-tugging things on Pinterest.  

Do you have anything to add to my Pinterest Adoption board? 

P.S.  You can read about one of the families here. 

TV Show "I'm Having Their Baby"

Our adoption agency posted about a new tv show called "I'm Having Their Baby" which is a reality show that follows birth mothers through the adoption process.  The first episode even featured our agency and was very informative on how the process works.   I watched it yesterday and was overwhelmed by the emotions involved.  

If you have 40 minutes and are interested in this process, you can watch this show on hulu.  I think the show airs a new episode tonight on Oxygen.  (I'll have to wait for it to be on hulu.)  

Some of my thoughts:
1) I know they couldn't show EVERYTHING in such a short show, but I would love to know how these ladies got connected with Bethany to begin with.  
2) I love knowing that Claudia has an ongoing relationship with her son's adoptive family. 
3) It was very helpful to see Mary's response to the prospective adoptive parents being in the ultrasound.  I made some notes on how not to act if we're ever in that position (though I'm sure everyone is different).  
4) This made me appreciate our social worker SO MUCH MORE!  Not only does she have to deal with all of our questions, forms, and legal stuff, but she shows so much love to the birth mothers and walks with them through their decisions.  
5) Again, I know they can't show everything, but I'd love to see more of the faith-focus that Bethany has with the birth parent(s).  (Though I guess it doesn't necessarily fit into the show's purpose either.  It doesn't have Bethany every week and from previews looks like it even does same-sex household adoptions which is not something our agency does.
6) It was good to see the social worker support Mary in her decision and check in with her so often throughout the process to make sure she still thought adoption was the best choice for her.  When she changed her mind, she didn't push the issue.  This is not the kind of decision to be pressured into making.

Would love to know your thoughts!   

Progress

Well, I can't share details, but there has been some activity lately on the baby front.  Nothing for sure (trust me, you would know... but definitely some activity).  We are learning so much about ourselves and the amazing people who are in our lives.  

As of today, our home study has been approved for 3 months which means we've been in "paper pregnancy labor" for 3 months.   It's nothing compared to how long other families wait, but it's still 3 months.  

But just this week, we've been really encouraged from people in our community.   The Deacons at the church where I work met this week and decided to donate $580 to our adoption fund.  This was given to me while I was working on the glider for our nursery at a friend's house.  Matt was given a donation by one of the vets in his hospital.  And today, a family who I met through ARBC (the church where I work) called and said that they are having a yard sale tomorrow and will donate all of their proceeds to us.  Wow!!

What a unique season of life this is!  It's humbling. Encouraging. Uplifting. Confusing. Thought-consuming. 


In my head, there are so many blog posts about this season.  I want to remember it all, but I don't want to be annoying.  I don't want to come across in the wrong way.  So I'll wait for a better time... but I will say that if anyone wants to talk (in real life) about all this, I'm up for it!  I like processing things while talking them through.  Another reason I have this here blog... to process things while I write. :)

Enough randomness... I will close with this, for now: 
If anyone out there is considering adoption but intimidated by the costs, be encouraged!  God has a heart for orphans, and He will provide!  He has created us to "multiply and fill the earth with the image of God".  He desires for Christian families to raise children and bring them up for His glory.  He will provide.  He IS providing for us!  

Because Orphans Matter

Last night in our James Bible Study, my heart started beating a little faster when we read James 1:27...

Source

Orphans matter.  Widows matter. And we can all play a part in these things.  

I have seen this woman's blog posted several times, but I've only skimmed it.  I knew if I read much of it, then I would feel like I needed to do something. I knew my heart would break for these children.

Last night in our James Bible Study video, Beth Moore shared a similar story.  Just because we are afraid we will get convicted, get hurt, or get burdened, doesn't mean we can be callous about something.  We can't turn away and pretend it's not there.  This woman's blog came to my mind when she shared that story.  And, of course, there was another post this morning from Holly on Facebook.

Please read this woman's blog.  Please donate to bringing home Hasya.  Even if it's just a few dollars, it all adds up.  And join me in praying for the other children at this orphanage.

Fundraising for Adoption: Courage and Willingness

Just this week God has affirmed and strengthened our calling to adoption.  I love how HE works in His perfect timing.  

I'm going to be completely honest: I've been a little insecure about this whole Fundraising for Adoption thing.  A few months ago, I got a random message from a long-distance friend about how she and her husband wanted to contribute to our Adoption Fund.  In many ways, that opened my heart to the possibility that God did, in fact, want us to Fundraise for this adoption--aside from the yard sales.  He wants us to ASK for people to come alongside us in this journey.  He wants us to humble ourselves and invite others to be part of this with us.  

I can be a little stubborn.  I can be self-absorbed in the insecure way.  But God is bigger than my misgivings and my fear of what people will think.  Matt and I are not perfect, and we have not made perfect choices with our finances in the past.  We are getting much better, though, and God is teaching us through this process.  We recently bought a car.  Some people may wonder how we have the nerve to ask people for money when we just bought a brand new car.  (There, I said it!)  We would invite anyone who has concerns or thoughts about that to talk with us directly.   The bigger point of the story is this:  God is bigger than the price of adoption.  It's not about us.  It's not about the cost of adoption.  It's about Him and the story He is writing for us and our future child(ren).  It's about us being faithful to what He's called us. He's still teaching us that through this process.  

Source

Reminders of His provision are everywhere we look!  Our friends have raised over $29,000 in the past few months on their journey to adopt Will from China.  God is able!  He is faithful!  Thank you for being on this journey with us and for the part you are playing in bringing home our future son or daughter.  

This article helps better articulate some of my thoughts about Fundraising for Adoption.  I've seen it all over the place over the past few months--another way God has reminded me it's about Him, not us. Pay special attention to the last sentence.


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Is It OK to Fundraise For Adoption?

Posted on 28 February 2011 by Kari Gibson

There are no two ways about it—adoption is expensive. Every adoptive parent has to face this reality. Some will make a substantial withdrawal from their savings or take out a sizable loan. For others, like my husband Joel and me, it means they will depend almost entirely on fundraising—yuck.

Asking other people for money is about as appealing as volunteering for an experimental medical procedure. If we approach it at all, we do it reluctantly. If you’re like me, thinking about fundraising brings up feelings of fear, dread, and even embarrassment. That being said, I am starting to think there is another side to the story worth considering.

Joel and I began fundraising for our Ugandan adoption about a month ago. Before we started, I had a fantasy that someone in our family or our church would escort us to a quiet corner and whisper that they wanted to write us a check for the entire amount. We would take a deep breath, express our gratitude, and get back to the real work of becoming adoptive parents. Like most people in our situation, we never experienced this scenario. I am so thankful.

What did happen is that we raised a whole bunch of money one donation at a time. We’ve had big donations and small donations—each one vitally important to helping us bring our baby home. More than one hundred family members, friends and complete strangers have responded to letters, blog posts, tweets and Facebook updates in remarkable ways. We have now raised about $14,000 toward our $20,000 goal, and it happened much more quickly than we expected.



After reflecting on our experience, I’ve come to believe that fundraising is worth doing regardless of the financial return. It has done so much more for our adoption and our community than simply bringing in dollars. Here are just a few examples:
1. Fundraising allows us to inspire other families
If my fundraising dream had come true—the one where a single big check took care of all of our needs—it would have been dramatic, but it would have done little to help ordinary families believe adoption was financially possible for them.
Our need makes our story relatable. My passion and my prayer is that God would use our story to inspire many other families to believe—maybe for the first time—that, if people like us can do it, then so can they. Adoption is not reserved for the wealthy, and it can be done without debt. That is the message of our fundraising story.
2. Fundraising grows our faith
Joel and I could never have brought in $14,000 in our own strength. It would have been simply impossible. Every dollar that comes in humbles and amazes us as watch God provide through his Body. This experience has taught me that we serve a powerful and generous Father, growing my faith in exponential ways. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t trade that for anything, not even for a $20,000 check.
3. Fundraising gives us a change to invites others into a bigger story
Most importantly, fundraising invites our community of family, friends and those we don’t even know, into a bigger story. Our story becomes theirs as they become invested in, and changed by, our journey.
Some will decide to adopt because they hear your story. Some will give. By God’s grace, many will understand more deeply the heart of Jesus and the Gospel itself as they witness the miracle and the metaphor of adoption through your story.

While the details of your story won’t be the same as mine, I pray that each of you, facing the daunting cost of adoption, will have the courage to believe that God will provide and the willingness to step into the adventure.

 

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